as i sit here and type this, i wanna just let the feelings flow. the emptyness i feel inside at the end of the day. my one and only refuge i have from what i deem as a world full of fake smiles. many things come to mind as more questions start to fill my head. constently thinking to the point that i feel so sick of it. sometimes i feel that i don't know how to use my heart. it's like i don't know how to feel.
its gotten to the point that it seems fake smiles are part and parcel of what we've to expect in the near furture. everyone's saying it, people are doing it and whats more interesting is that some actually seem to enjoy it. enjoying doing it. become bolder as they do it more. feeding off all the shit their getting themselves into. fuck it all. the more i see it the more harder it is to drag my body outta the bed to face these people everyday. i'm nothing like them. i don't find enjoyment doing this shit in fact, i find it tiring to even try to be just like them.
don't get me wrong. its not that their bad or evil people. i've nothing against them doing the shit they do by all means, it seems to be the fucking norm in that bloody place.it comes to the point that you get so fucking tired of it all that you just wanna be in your own world and break whatever connections you have with them. filtering out all the shits thats being produced and circulated round the place which would probably leave you with 1% of things actually worth listening to.
its like their all just a bunch of parasites feeding off eachother's shit. in fact induldging themselves in it. but den again maybe its not them its me. maybe i'm the weird one that isn't able to 'click' with what seems to me a total waste of time. or maybe i'm just like them. look at me? who's the pussy putting up a smile everyday and bitchin all about it here? guess i should take a good look in the mirror. maybe they don't want it as well. but they damn as hell do a bloody good job. i can't. screw it.
as it saddens my already pretty much empty heart, its happening everywhere all around me. i guess it kinda has an impact on how i see things. i guess i've still not really been able to not think the way i always do. as always, there isn't really another better logical explination for me to make sense of. sometimes i fuck myself up so much that i can't stand it. with all this pointless thinking makes me start to believe that in the end it's all pointless. responsablity so what? does it really matter?
i couldn't care less what others may think after reading or if they can even understand what the fuck i'm saying. fuck you all to hell. i might actually get something like 'oh, i understand what you mean, i help you paraphrase' fuck you. you don't understand shit. as my mind continues to run wild i guess i end up here again. guess i'll pour out abit more.
like i was saying...you don't know shit. you've not gone through what i've been through and even if you did you probably wouldn't have gotten as much out of it as me. this i know for a fact. so shut yea mouth. learn how to have some self respect fer yourself please. letting your bitch ass mouth run like that may not seem like anything to the people your bitchin to but i'm sure as hell someone's fist's gonna land on your ugly face if it isn't mine first. in fact, i've actually thought bout it and with some help from someone i have total respect for, i've come to learn that it isn't worth it.
i've gotta learn yea? you ain't worth shit and your not gona amount to anything so why waste my time? you'll get what u deserve sooner or later if you continue doing shit and when that happens, i prey to god that i'm there to savour the moment your face hits the ground. right now, that's all i'm looking foward to. it's what i think about at night and dream so badly. i may sound weird. why am i even so obsessed with it so much? yea, i guess i've problems. don't need rocket science to know that yea? but i can't find any way round it. so for the moment, i'll continue to pray really really hard that you get it some time soon. just in time for me to be there to laugh at your broke ego, that priceless expression on your face as you hit the ground. u deserve it. not because of the way you are or because of the shit you do. but because of being fucking obvlious to the facts when their right smack in your fucking face. because you couldn't care less about others and let your mouth run wild. because you are too fucking blind to see beyond the criticism. you can't see that it's something wrong with you. even when everyone's point it out to you putting it and arranging it right in front of your fuck ass face. your blind because your retarted. mum just wasted a good egg in her ovary to give birth to a retard that refused to go to 'special' school. sorry, i didn't wanna diss the mentally challenged. i'm really sorry. u guys are too good to be grouped together with Mr. T.
Chatboard (0)